Stop Kissing Up!
Some people just can’t help but go out of their way just to make other people happy, you know, “kissing up”. They do their best to bend over backwards just to give in to the demands of others, even if this means forgetting about their own needs along the way. When you become this kind of person, two things can happen: either you will annoy other people because you try to please others too much, or worse, you will meet people who want your friendship just to get favors.
Do you find yourself to be this kind of person at times? Have you hidden your true self in order to survive the peer pressure? These people pleasers are otherwise known as adapters. A lot of these people who were willing to let others use them were most likely raised in an environment where their opinions were not valued. Or they may have been neglected too often that they see themselves as an unimportant part of society. In order to earn their place, they mistakenly thought that they had to forget who they were just to bend to the will of others.
People pleasers focus mostly on others and not what is inside their own hearts and minds. If you become this kind of person, you will eventually feel lonely and empty deep down. You may have earned friends, but deep down, you will always doubt their real intentions. You will feel like there should be more to life and don’t exactly know what you are in search of. You need to get out of this unhealthy pattern. Know that it is very possible to change so that you can finally feel better about yourself and know what you truly deserve.
First off, you need to learn how to say NO. This very important word is what frees you from the chains you’ve created for your life. Say it as often as you can, just to hear the word come out of your mouth. Of course, you can also be more polite about it, but nonetheless, you have to know when to stop and put your own needs ahead. You may also feel guilty at times, but you’ll get to see who your real friends are in the very end.
Your state of mind is well worth the effort because when you have a healthy point of view, those around you will be healthy as well. Your thoughts and emotions are an important part of who you are. When you are unsure of yourself and try too hard to become the kind of person others want you to be, you’ll lose what matters most: your dignity and self-respect.
Many people pleasers wrongly believe that nobody will like them if they stop doing things for others. If someone stops liking you just because you’ve learned how to say no, then chances are they weren’t really your friends to begin with. A true friend is someone who likes you for your true self, someone who stands by you through thick and thin. Only when you become honest about whom you truly are will you have this kind of friendship.
Don’t allow yourself to become anyone’s puppet. Free yourself from the fear of rejection because ironically, it is only then will you become loved and accepted. Who is running your life? The answer should be you!
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Peter Loughlin
What about you? What are your thoughts on this subject?
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Tags: people pleaser, people pleasers, people pleasing, what is a people pleaser
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