As a result of living in this fast paced world we frequently fail to consider focusing on what others have to say and instead make the mistake of obsessively expressing our own thoughts. If you are in business or sales (and we all are trying to sell something to others even if it is just our opinions), you must begin to appreciate that others have something to say too—but most of the time we are preoccupied with our own needs to even really list to what the other person’s message.

Communication is a Mutual Exchange

Communication, after all, is supposed to be a mutual exchange of ideas. Instead of thinking about what we have to say next, we should learn to be an active listener and focus on the message of the person with whom we are speaking.

All too often, we try to outmatch each other as if communication were a competitive event. You know what I mean; we’ve all been guilty of half-listening to others while thinking instead of our rebuttal. But not actively listening and focusing in on the words of others actually breaks down communication. You’ve no doubt heard that to get what you want in life you have to help others get what they want, yes?  But when your main priority is to get yourself heard first, everyone loses.

Fully Comprehend What Others Have to Say

To succeed in life we need to master our communication skills, and that means understanding that communication is not just about expressing your needs and opinions. As important as being able to express is, it is infinitely more important to hear and comprehend what the other person has to say. It is only then that we can learn together and from each other. To become a great listener, you need to practice the lost art of active listening.

Active Listening Requires Total Focus

Active listening requires you to totally focus when you communicate with others. Stop thinking about what you are going to say to them in response. Communication is not a tennis match. You have to develop your communication skills by first paying attention of what the other person is saying.

Benefits of Active Listening

Actively listening offers many benefits. It opens a portal into to the other person’s innermost thoughts. When it comes to business related communication, it is our responsibility to make adjustments so that we can better understand our customers—making it more likely to close the deal. The better we actively listen, the more rapport we build with others.  Active listening sends out a signal that you respect and appreciate the other person and we all like and NEED to be appreciated, don’t we?

Active listening is a powerful business tool, but it really is just a matter respect. I say this because I want to impress upon you that this is so much more than a sales strategy. Try using active listening in all of your communications—with family, friends and yes, everyone!

Are You an Active Listener?
How has active listening helped you?

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I cannot begin to tell you what an impact Napoleon Hill has had on my life. I must have read his  book “Think and Grow Rich” dozens upon dozens of times.

Just this evening I was coaching my friend and  MLM superstar, Ali Yasin (Actually, I  learned more from him than he did from me –but don’t tell him that, OK?)  — we were comparing  squeeze page samples for a project we were working on. One of the web pages we looked at offered a free download of Mr. Hill’s book as an inducement for signing up for their newsletter/list.

Well, that got me to reminiscing about about the  ageless value of Napoleon Hill’s message.  So, I  did a Google  search to see what I could “dig up” about him.

Naturally, there were countless glowing references to his work and testimonies about how he inspired millions of  his dedicated followers to achieve greatness.  For some strange reason I ended my search by inquiring about the date of his death.  It was November 8, 1970.

I thought about the fact that I was a sophomore in high school that year and about how long ago it seemed.  But by then it was getting late and I remembered that I had to go on Facebook to read about what by friends and family were up to and to make some  relevant comments (Yes, I am getting addicted to FB, I know).

Well, to my surprise, what was posted there? It was a video of  Mr. Hill, in the flesh, reminding me that he never really died in 1970 after all. He lives on.

Please take a moment to go and meet him for yourself.

My Friends,

I will post a free copy of Napoleon Hill’s immortal book, Think and Grow Rich within the next 48 hours. If you’re already on my mailing list you’ll be notified as soon as its posted. If your not on my list, go ahead and leave a brief comment and you will automatically be placed on my list for the update/notification.

Peter Loughlin

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Personal development can never be accomplished without personal work. You do need to dream, but despite what you’ve been told you cannot just dream your way to success. If you fail to take action and work at it, you just won’t amount to much in life, it’s that simple.

But many of us are burdened with procrastination and laziness? Can you over come this? The answer is absolutely YES! But you need to live a life of passion and possibilities.

Change your Perspective
In many ways it comes down to your perspective, how you look at life. For example, perhaps you don’t enjoy your work? You may need to look at your job or business from a different angle. You need to be focused on the positive outcomes and possibilities, otherwise, you won’t be able to attain much of anything. It is extremely important to have a goal and an action plan to get you where you want to go in life.

Set Structured Deadlines
You should also get organized. Accept the fact that you cannot do everything at once. You need to pick a course of action and take it—you can always tweak it as needed—but stay the course.

If you’re a perennial procrastinator, you’ll need to set structured deadlines for yourself. Every time a deadline is met, give yourself a reward such as time off or a nice meal at your favorite restaurant, it doesn’t have to be anything elaborate.

That said, expect to have some troubles along the way. The road to success may not always be easy. Obstacles will get in the way, but it’s easier to know that you can look forward to something at the end of every task. In truth, troubles are a good thing; in fact I see trouble is nothing more that genius in workman’s clothes.

Don’t Give Up

Most people never achieve lasting success because they quite too early. Don’t do that! If you give up, you’ll never know what you would have accomplished. If you’re like me you may find it helpful to do things in a small step by step system. Its perfectly OK to take baby steps to succeed but don’t ever quite.

Now get to work!!!

What do you do to stay on course?

Pete Loughlin

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When times are tough, as with the current economic recession, it is always easy to give in to depression and constantly moan about the woes of life. There are just too many worries to constantly think about: bills to pay, family to care for, and so on. The problems never end. The fact is, they never do! As you make your journey through life, you will always encounter barriers and hurdles. These are trials meant to test your strength and improve your will. Rather than simply give up and cry your frustrations out, you may want to look around you and see that no one is exempt from problems.

Self pity may get you sympathy at first, but if this is a repetitive behavior, don’t be surprised if you lose friends along the way. When you’ve become the black hole for energy, people will avoid you like a plague. No one wants to be surrounded with sadness, and no one can take a whiner for too long a period. You have yet to meet the person who never struggles with frustration. This comes with the territory of being human. It is not wrong to be frustrated, but it is how we handle our frustration that counts.

One of the most effective ways to change how you react to negativity is to change how you see it and what you do about it. Self pity is a shortcut to the path of destruction. When you give in to depression, you are basically saying that you don’t have it in you to solve the problem. In fact, you are just aggravating the situation. You yell, curse, and cry, yet the problem still remains unsolved.

On the other hand, a more productive solution would be to view frustration is as a chance for improving your abilities to solve the problem. If you get frustrated, try to have an outlet. Go talk to a friend, visit a specialist, or pound that hammer away in your garage. You need to let it out and find a way to express your explosive emotions rather than keep it locked inside. If this is your constant practice, expect the dam to break sooner or later. Instead, ask yourself what the possible solutions are. The thing about self-pity is that if you can’t get others to feel sorry for you, you can always just feel sorry for yourself.

Pity parties are always a party of one because no one wants to be on the guest list. Just know that when you catch yourself in this state, you tend to lose perspective. You lose sight of the big picture and will be unable to spot the solution that may just be right under your nose. When you are too caught up in your problems, you’ll be too busy to even notice the faintest flicker of hope.

You must find ways to bounce back. Be the victor, not the victim. Life is a marathon, and your goal should be not to win it all the time. Instead, you need to focus on your running and learning not to quit. Instead of making excuses on your failure, you must learn to get back up and let your creative juices flow so that you can achieve what you want most. Have a worthwhile goal, one that deserves a spot in your loved ones’ minds. If your life were a book, let it fall under the inspirational category.

Peter Loughlin

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Do you find yourself to be this kind of person at times? Have you hidden your true self in order to survive the peer pressure? These people pleasers are otherwise known as adapters. A lot of these people who were willing to let others use them were most likely raised in an environment where their opinions were not valued. Or they may have been neglected too often that they see themselves as an unimportant part of society. In order to earn their place, they mistakenly thought that they had to forget who they were just to bend to the will of others.

People pleasers focus mostly on others and not what is inside their own hearts and minds. If you become this kind of person, you will eventually feel lonely and empty deep down. You may have earned friends, but deep down, you will always doubt their real intentions. You will feel like there should be more to life and don’t exactly know what you are in search of. You need to get out of this unhealthy pattern. Know that it is very possible to change so that you can finally feel better about yourself and know what you truly deserve.

First off, you need to learn how to say NO. This very important word is what frees you from the chains you’ve created for your life. Say it as often as you can, just to hear the word come out of your mouth. Of course, you can also be more polite about it, but nonetheless, you have to know when to stop and put your own needs ahead. You may also feel guilty at times, but you’ll get to see who your real friends are in the very end.

Your state of mind is well worth the effort because when you have a healthy point of view, those around you will be healthy as well. Your thoughts and emotions are an important part of who you are. When you are unsure of yourself and try too hard to become the kind of person others want you to be, you’ll lose what matters most: your dignity and self-respect.

Many people pleasers wrongly believe that nobody will like them if they stop doing things for others. If someone stops liking you just because you’ve learned how to say no, then chances are they weren’t really your friends to begin with. A true friend is someone who likes you for your true self, someone who stands by you through thick and thin. Only when you become honest about whom you truly are will you have this kind of friendship.

Don’t allow yourself to become anyone’s puppet. Free yourself from the fear of rejection because ironically, it is only then will you become loved and accepted. Who is running your life? The answer should be you!

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Peter Loughlin

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Arguments will always be a part of human relationships. The difference in upbringing and beliefs make each person unique. Often times, people view a disagreement in a negative light. While getting into a squabble with another person can be stressful, it has its upside as well. When you argue, you open doors to change. As with any other person, we all need to adjust and learn the value of meeting half way.

People argue differently. Some shout while others sulk in the corner. The key to winning a fight is to identify the person’s tactical maneuvers. You need to learn the art of disarming your opponents with ploys of your own.

Some people like to shout when they bicker. These people get upset even with the most trifle issues. Their screams set alarms off and their offenses ring forever in your ears. People who shout lack control of their emotions. By telling them to put a lid on it will only make matters worse. It’s always about power and aggression. In cases like these, you should not fight fire with fire. They will only shut you out and refuse to listen to what you have to say. What you can do is back off and give that other person a chance to cool down. Then, you need to approach them calmly and tactfully. Make them aware of their unhealthy way of venting out emotions and tell them that you won’t engage when they are in that mode. If their outburst persists, leave. People like them have anger management issues that can only be resolved with the help of an expert.

If, on the other hand, they like to remain quiet and stoic when they are upset, you have to stop the confrontation. The more you force it out of them, the more difficult they become. They will often leave you frustrated and helpless because they won’t respond to self-defense.  This may be their defense mechanism at work, and this may be their way of feeling safe during times of stress. Try writing what you feel because while they can tune you out, they won’t be able to tune out the written argument. If they are your friend, they will read your letter. Never suppress important issues. What you need to do is broach the subject calmly. Try to lighten their mood and brighten their spirits by being humble and objective.

There are also people that simply like to sulk when they get upset. They slam doors and mutter a lot, and when you do ask them what is wrong, they keep their answers abrupt and vague. While shouters are difficult to deal with, these people can be just as destructive. The secret is to deal with them on neutral ground. Give them time and find ways to come to an agreement.

Whatever type of argument you find yourself in, it always helps to be the bigger person. Never blow your fuse and try to be rational about the situation. People are likely to respect those who see things as they are. Never sugarcoat your opinions, but you also have to be diplomatic about it. After all, the best way to earn their respect is to show them that you value their thoughts and emotions as well.

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Peter Loughlin

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However, this is not to say that you have to forget your personal life just so you can continue your climb up the ladder of success. What you do apart from your job helps you relax your mind. If you give yourself time to relax, you will be able to cope with the demands better. The last thing you want is a burnout. This is far worse than not putting any effort at all because you will also let your health suffer along the way.

To have a happy and healthy work attitude, you have to manage your stress. Your work environment can set limits on the ways you can cope with your demands. If watching TV helps you, you certainly cannot do this in the office. There are ways to relieve the stress while you are at work. The secret is to not wait for the stress levels to go up. Here are a few tips that can help you improve your work attitude so that you can be a better performer in the office:

1. Start living a healthy lifestyle. With the right amount of nutrients in your body and the proper exercise, you will find that you have more energy, and with more energy to back you up, you are able to achieve more things with the amount of time allotted for your job.
2. Manage your time by making a schedule. Cramming is the worst possible thing you can ever do. Having a calendar to follow enables you to know how much you can allocate for a certain type of work. That way, you also are able to spread your responsibilities in a way that you fulfill a little of what you have to do each day.

3. Keep a happy and healthy attitude. Smiling helps you relax. This may sometimes be the most difficult thing to do, especially when pressure builds up. Nonetheless, you also have to trust in yourself and in your abilities. If you give your all for work, then there is no other person better suited for the job. Sometimes, things just can’t be accomplished immediately, and that’s just a truth you have to accept.
4. Avoid procrastination. Know that the more you put off work for later, the more it piles up. Time is of the essence and every minute spent doing nothing is a dollar wasted.

5. Clear your clutter. Signs of clutter are generally perceived by the mind as a distraction. Being organized helps you find things more easily, and time spent looking for a file is also time wasted.

Work attitude is connected to work habit. Just make sure that you equip yourself with the right attitude and know that the more willing you are to attain and finish your responsibilities, the more people will also respect you. If you surround yourself with people who look up to you, your office environment will definitely be more pleasant. Remember, happier people are generally more productive.

Peter Loughlin

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Are you one of these people? Ask yourself if you do things in alignment with your core personal beliefs? If you take the same path that the crowd follows I can tell you from experience that you will rarely if ever find the tings you want in life. In fact, if you follow that path, you know, “going with the flow”, I think you will have to admit that that somehow, deep down inside, you’re not satisfied with life.

Consider the closing line of Robert Frost’s The Road Not Taken, “Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference”. For me, Frost has clearly pointed out the folly of following the crowd. AND the fact that you have a choice as to which path you choose in life.

Lets face it, many times, we do what we do out of fear of rejection or of getting ridiculed by the crowd. True, there is a social utility to be balanced if we wish to of maintain the peace around us. But then again, maybe there is some way you can get yourself out from this rut. Remember you are not trapped on the road your on right now. Like the driver of an automobile, you have the power to direct your vehicle anywhere you wish. No one is forcing you to be where you are right now. You are the captain of your ship and the master of your own destiny. In the end, it is you alone who is answerable for everything.

Every individual is unique and important, yes, you too—especially you. No matter how monotonous things become, there are many aspects in your life that are uniquely yours. You need sit down, dig deep and discover what is most important to you right now. Take some time to do that today. Right now if you can. Don’t get distracted from taking the time to get to know who you really are. It’s too easy to get distracted by other activities such as jobs commitments, dealing with bills and the current economic crisis, family and relationship problems, and an host of distractions that draw you off the road to success and happiness.

I’m I big believer in writing things down when it come to taking stock of who you are and where you want to be. You need to set up a system and make a list of things you want to do. As basic as this sounds, it is extremely helpful to have a written and tangible representation of all your life’s dreams and goals. Take a look at your list on a daily basis and attend to it, even if it’s only for a fraction of your day.

You may find it helpful to use my Total Success Makeover, its free, brief, and it outline the very steps you need to get started on the road to success today.  Get it here

Life is meant to be a journey with a variety of roads and paths along the way. Whether you’re eighteen or eighty years old, you need to understand that everyday brings with it a new opportunity. Your current age or position in life is irrelevant. Living your life according to someone else’s rules is never the way to live. The choice has to always come from you. You’re already making choices—just commit to making better choices.

Remember the story of Aladdin? Well consider this, you have your own uniqueness—a kind of magic lamp, you’ve had it all along. Use it to guide you on the path to achieve your wildest dreams and to fulfill your life’s goals.

I look forward to meeting you in the road less traveled.

Peter Loughlin

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While the two roles are similar in some ways, they are in fact very different.  Before you take someone under your wing and help them progress through life, it is important that you know the difference between coaching and mentoring, and which is best for your relationship with your potential follower.

Mentoring generally involves a closer and deeper relationship than is seen in coaching.  The leader and follower in this relationship are most commonly referred to as mentor and protege.  The mentor is often older than the protege, and is certainly more knowledgeable, wise, and more experienced in the ways of the world than the protege. The mentor’s task is to be the guide for the inexperienced protege, with the desired result of the protege growing closer to mentor’s level of knowledge and experience over time.

The mentor-protege relationship is as old as history itself, and is often glorified by pop media. There are many variations of the mentor-protege relationship the modern world. For example, when a new employee first enters a company or business, he or she is generally adopted by someone who has been in the company or business for a long time. Because the new employee will likely at first feel uncomfortable or disoriented, or might not be prepared for the rigors of the new workplace, the mentor serves as a buffer and guide, making the transition easier for the protege, and accelerating the process of integration and becoming a productive employee.

Another example from the workplace is an existing employee who might show potential as someone who could one day be a supervisor, a department head, or excel in a completely different division of the company. A person experienced in the company could informally take on this employee and be his or her mentor. In this relationship, the mentor will teach the protege the necessary skills to advance in the workplace, so that one day the protege might take the mentor’s place, advance elsewhere in the company, or move on in a greater capacity to another company altogether.

The concept of coaching, on the other hand, is quite different from mentoring. In coaching, a method is employed in which a leader or overseer directs the movements of one person or a group. The instruction and training given are done with a specific end goal in mind. The methods of directing people’s movements and actions might include giving motivational talks. The coach may also train people to make them perform better, such as through seminars or workshops, or through practice such as done in sports.

In mentoring, a mentor teaches a protege how to live better or how to function better. In coaching, perhaps better seen as a more specific method of mentoring, the coach guides an individual or a team to achieve an end goal. For sports coaches, this would be winning a game or event. For marriage coaches, the goal would be a stronger marital bond. For family coaches, it would be a stronger familial bond, between parents and children, or possible amongst the children themselves.

There are many different kinds of coaching and mentoring, and many different techniques associated with each as well. Whether a coach or a mentor is more appropriate for your particular situation is entirely up to you.

Peter Loughlin

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In other cases they allow emotions like anger to cloud their judgment for no other reason than because they take everything that happens too personally. It’s almost as if their egos won’t allow them to miss an opportunity to get upset and start an argument. Coupled with a false sense of indignation they fail to realize that they are actually creating more barriers to resolving whatever the issue may have been in the first place.

While it’s true in nature that opposites attract, in real life nothing could be further from the truth. Positive people tend to draw towards other optimistic people, and of course negative people cluster together like schools of baitfish. The difference between the two groups is that the optimistic ones tend to simply stroll through life knowing that whatever challenges they encounter they will quickly and easily overcome.

A good example of these behaviors is in reviewing two identical technical support requests with diametrically opposite results.

In the first case, the positive customer is experiencing a problem installing a piece of software. Quickly realizing that the problem is beyond their skill level, they call the support hotline confident that resolution to the issue will be forthcoming. They cheerfully and courteously explain the problem they are experiencing and patiently worked with the support staff to correct it, which happens in a mere 10 minutes.

In the second case the negative customer is experiencing a similar problem. Frustrated and angry they call the support hotline and immediately launch into a belligerent tirade about the quality of the product and the company that produced it. While the support staff attempts to help the customer, they quickly become frustrated at the customer’s refusal to provide the needed information.

The customer insists upon escalating problem to a supervisor or manager where the tirade continues. After 45 minutes of arguing with various supervisors and managers and live no resolution in sight, the customer or threatens to sue or file legal complaints and hangs up without resolving the installation problem.

Optimistic people never worried about encountering problems with anything. They understand that things happen, more importantly they also understand that there is a solution out there somewhere. Their goal is to simply resolve the issue as quickly and efficiently as possible, which they know they will be able to do some way, somehow.

It’s for this reason that those who think positively and optimistically are far more likely to be successful in both their business and personal lives. They can’t help but know that everything is going to work out the way they expected to, if not even better.

Peter Loughlin

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